Unplugging For the Holidays - Keep It Simple
By Tracy Dennis-Tiwary, Ph.D. mental health researcher, author, Founder Arcade Therapeutics
Holidays are defined by the time we spend with our loved ones. Prioritizing that time takes effort. And just when we think we have it figured out, there’s one more thing that can get in the way of quality time - our devices.
We’ve all been there. It’s when you’re on the family road-trip to grandma’s house and everyone gets stuck on their smartphones instead of playing I Spy with My Little Eye or family Carpool Karaoke. It’s when you’re cooking the family meal together and everyone gets so caught up in shooting #bestholidayrecipe TikTok videos that no one actually talks with each other.
There’s no scarcity of unplugging and screen-life balance advice these days. Growing awareness has made most of us rethink our time on devices, and that’s a good thing. At the current rate, most Americans will spend at least three decades of their lives staring at screens.
But layered on top of this growing awareness is a tremendous amount of guilt and panic - are smartphones destroying my kids’ mental health? Are all social media toxic? Should we throw out our devices and get flip phones instead? Will AI destroy humanity?
We differ in our opinions on this matter, but extreme views of the situation make the mistake of creating a false binary of ‘social media and smartphones are evil’ versus ‘everything’s fine, nothing to look at here.’ Of course, the truth is somewhere in between, as are the solutions.
Banning and demonizing everything digital is pretty much guaranteed to backfire - especially if there are teenagers involved. Did the anti-drug ‘Just Say No’ campaign work? Do chastity belts? Of course not. The science of behavior change shows us that the key to building new, positive habits is to start by doing something small and that fits into your life.
So, this holiday season, cut through the noise (and guilt if you’re feeling it) and try something different: Commit to doing just a few simple things to prioritize together time and create more screen-free moments. Where to start? Try these four steps:
Notice the downsides. Identify the times and situations when being on screens disrupts family together time. Teen George might get stuck on TikTok at the dinner table, but it’s mom who gets distracted by work emails and LinkedIn every family game night. Have an open conversation about the impact of these digital habits - such as how they cut off conversation, get in the way of fun, and create frustrations. Avoid blaming and instead focus on how this impact doesn’t fit with what you want from family time and your family values.
Point out the needs being met. Once you identify the two or three top pain points, think about why people are getting sucked into their screens. What needs are screen time serving? You might be most prone to getting stuck on the infinite scroll when you have problems at work. Perhaps dad is just tired, and just can’t quite manage anything more than checking out new recipes on Instagram. Perhaps the kids miss their friends, and SnapChat seems like the next best option. Briefly discuss what each family member is getting out of their favorite screen activity, especially when they feel sucked into it.
Validate the need but find alternatives. For example, if your child is on screens because they want time with friends, invite their friend over to join in on a holiday activity. If the video game aficionado in your family just loves to play games - nothing mysterious there - then that’s your cue to have a family game night. If it’s sheer boredom that’s driving doom scrolling, use it as an excuse for a post-dinner family stroll or buying tickets to a live performance. If it’s stress and needing some ‘me time’ that’s driving mom to her device, book mom a massage (definitely book mom a massage). The more you see what you want from screens and then address those wants with IRL solutions, the more fulfilling time together will be - and the less you’ll argue about it.
Replacing screen time takes preparation. In planning screen-free time, a few things will help. First, choose times that will always be screen-free (e.g., meal times or specific family activities). Everyone in the family - including adults - need to stick to these boundaries. Second, schedule screen-free time ahead and give kids age-appropriate choice in how they use that time. Don’t be deterred if they complain they’re bored when they’re off-screen. Figuring out what to do with unstructured time is a skill every kid needs. Third, with planning IRL family activities, start small and try variety. Schedule two or three interesting but doable activities, and then build on what works for you.
For many of us, digital habits have become an opportunity cost for family time, especially around the holidays. As the Unplug Collaborative and Global Day of Unplugging remind us, the best way to unplug for better digital-IRL balance is to plan activities that are fun and full of meaning. What better time to do so than the holidays?
Want To Make A Difference?
If you're passionate about supporting gatherers and community leaders in creating meaningful unplugged experiences, or interested in sponsoring a demo-specific or location-centric cohort, we want to partner with you. Join us in the race to remind each other that humans are more important than machines.
Visit globaldayofunplugging.org to learn more and get involved. And don’t forget to follow us on Instagram for updates and inspiration!
